Monday, December 3, 2012

Recent Ramblings

   While sitting in my head today, I had, shall we say, an epiphany; here’s why some things concerning me are the way they are. Bear with me for a moment.
   I had to tell a cousin I have known less than a year that I could not let someone as close to my feet as she currently was to my Ma’s. She was in the midst of giving Ma a pedicure, and I told my brother, “Now, she’ll want one every week!”
   After nodding her agreement, Tom, my older brother, started avidly shaking his head while laughing, telling her “Absolutely not!”
   I stated, quite liberally, that I do not let anyone that close to my feet.     My cousin looked absolutely beside herself, and blurted out, “Why?”
   I then began regaling her with my long standing aversion to people who would forcibly hold me down- sometimes more than two others, usually related (hinting towards Tom)- and being Mercilessly tickled. I emphasized this by stressing “mercilessly” .
   She tried, of course, to change my mind, as did Ma. I hold fast to not letting others (anybody, again stress) that close to my feet.
   I think everyone has this kind of situation. Something they believe vehemently. No one can change their mind, because it is just the way it is.
   I, personally, have many such. I shan’t bore anyone with all the details.
   Speaking of that, there’s another : I choose… yes, choose to not delve too deeply into anything involving me. I choose not to let any one individual know me that well.
   Where does this come from? One may ask, for I shan’t reveal to hardly anyone that I don’t want to be that close.
   “But then, why tell people so much about yourself so soon after meeting them?”
   I would say to that, “But I don’t reveal anything that reveals too much.”
   In that, lies even more.
   {At times, like the ramblings herein, it seems I keep subconsciously trying to find someone with whom I would want to make myself known, there is an undesirable need to do just that.}
   That is only one of the reasons I only reveal so much, and at times say too much or in the wrong “voice”.
   I will just admit: “I do not trust most, and frequently misjudge and be too open to the wrong people.”
   {Let’s see now, do I keep on the one track or the other. Or a different tack entirely. Just so many directions a discussion (admission?) like this could go.}
   That is, a lot of the time, how the committee in my head converses.                                                                                                                               
    I literally hear the words being spoken, and have every intention of verbalizing my thoughts. I most always look around to see if anyone witnessed me almost speaking to myself. That would make me look suspicious.
   (I try to be always looking for ways people look suspicious, to various definitions of the word.)
   Point kind of made. I think, or hear or see, things being done. I mentally observe, and have seemed to be able to know, or deduce, or reason out, just why some people do some of the things that they do based solely on reasons I do certain things.
   Most people are able to plain ignore some of the reasons they act in certain ways. Some, maybe, but most of the time they are just going through the motions of things that had succeeded in situations similar to the one they find themselves in at any given time. Habit, one may say.
   This would usually be an action that had been performed  since early in their childhood.
   A lot of people could not, or at least will not, ever admit, to themselves or anyone, that. One could make such a connection, but if enough investigation be put to it, I can practically guarantee that it would be concerning something one experienced as a child.
   {And so, is how one could faze into another subject. How I could, anyway. How I did…}
   “Where do these thoughts come from?”
   That’s what I’m saying: it is like an, almost, constant conversation going on in my head. Whichever member of my committee I find interesting, I follow that thought pattern.
   I hear some of the others up there calling out from the strand I had abandoned that I could still choose a certain other way and still follow that to the inevitable outcome, which could be “blah, blah, blah.”
   It almost scares me how close I had thought, if I did happen to think about doing the said subconscious investigation, results of some of my actions could be deciphered.
   I would say that I seem to be really… proficient… at having such discussions within my cranium. Quite frequently, in fact. And I try to keep it between my ears.
   There are times that I accidentally, verbally let out an opinion. Something that just pops out of the darkness or, as they say, “out of the blue”. I sometimes get lucky and the utterance matches the discussion going on around me.
   Occasionally, the topic is only barely linkable to the other’s. As frequently, not even close to said topic. It is just a committee suggestion taken overboard and voiced.
   At that point, I feel that others begin looking around for an easy distraction, and sure enough, they drift away from me, physically, but yet also mentally. I become, I feel, bearable. Barely, even. I see others begin looking around to find somewhere else they can be. As long as I stay put. Which I am only too willing to do. I hate feeling like I am forcing myself onto others.
   On this topic, I could drift off on a tangent to describe things that have happened before, and were sure to happen again, in a certain fashion as a result to a particular action. Or decision, or even thought.
   Now, one may be thinking, “These thoughts are sure hard to follow!” Consider how I feel; they are ever present in my head, one after the other, in near constant flux. And it is my responsibility to attempt to keep them in check. I don’t always succeed.
   A lot of folks would question my sanity upon discovering that I hear voices in my head, and then entertain the discussions therein. I will not try to sway their opinions; I have long since admitted that I am crazy. I’m alright with it, whether they are or not. But insane? Who could say for sure?
   At this point, allow me to remind you that I am a writer, and writing, as they say, is a form of art. Many artists in the past have been declared, in public opinion, insane in one form or another.  Actors, writers, sculptors, painters. Such is why so many have committed suicide. I believe that we all (artist or not) have committee meetings going on mentally, and the ones who can put “voice” to some of the suggestions and be widely admired for it become famous. Some of these artists eventually take the wrong committee suggestion to heart, and do something fatally stupid.
   I know I do stupid things, and some of those actions could, in the long run, be fatal.  At this point in time, however, I can differentiate between the good and bad decisions, or at least the less fatal ones.
   Well, I began these ramblings to be a future blog post. I’m sure it could be considered a bit long for that, but will go ahead and post it, on the off chance that someone will find it worthy of suffering through to see a bit of how my mind works.
   I shall leave you with one more thought to consider : All of the stories I have written began as nothing more than a “committee suggestion”, but one which rang out above the others, and reverberated to the point where I had to pen it to make it go away. Then, that member took control, and allowed the story to unfold.

Am I weird? Yes, I believe so…

Friday, November 30, 2012


I know I am not always grammatically correct, indeed I have been told I need help before, but there are certain instances where I have to cringe and hold my tongue where I see others write, or even hear them speak, and mutilate the rules I have been taught.

For instance; when to use “I” and “Me”. The common speech I hear is, for example, “The store stocks the bagels requested by Amber and I.” (Jeez, it hurts even writing it thusly)

The correct way to use these same pronouns would be, “The store stocks the bagels Amber and I requested.” If one wanted to not change the order of it, one would have to say, “The store stocks the bagels requested by Amber and me.”

A simple rule speaks clearly in my mind: “When using multiple pronouns, use each in it’s own sentence. If the sentence still makes sense, the correct pronouns are being used.” Or something to that effect.

Now, as I’ve said, I am not always correct in my usage, in fact, there are probably errors in this very post, but, doggone it, at least make an effort to use the American language correctly. (I know most of us Americans do not use the English language properly.)

I won’t get into other issues I have with how words are spoken and/or written. That would take near an entire book, and within would be even more mistakes on my own part to make the Grammar Girl lash me with a cat-o-nine tails. So, I’ll just leave this post as is, and hope at least one person takes a hint and alters their selection of pronouns. Maybe they can, in their own way, change someone else’s damage, and one by one, some grammar healing can come about. Is that too much to hope for?

Thursday, October 4, 2012

My Sci-Fi Poem

How lonely it is out here in deep space
     So far away from the human race.
They sent me out so long ago
     In search of a planet where we could go.
Our Earth had become too crowded to please,
     All the land was covered and we spread to the seas.
Before long, those, too, were crowded with life,
     So we looked to the stars for a place to ease strife.
A ship was prepared, shot into the skies
     With hope for mankind, and seen by all eyes.
Farther I traveled into the unknown,
     Faster than any before had been thrown.
Communications were lost, at some point in time,
     But I must find somewhere with agreeable clime.
Another Galaxy gone by with no end in sight,
     I must find an answer to my planet's plight.
I've been gone now, my instruments say,
     For some ten years, two months and a day.
On my sensors the klaxon begins to announce
     A surface compatible, down to the ounce.
I complete the readings, veer away to return,
     Hoping against hope the findings won't spurn
The glimmer of hope for those who have none,
     Or at least pose an option for some to condone.
The entire trip back, twice as long it will take;
     I must make it back, for all mankind's sake.
30 years will have gone, much longer for them,
     I'll send the happy news to hinder mayhem.
As soon as a signal on the airwaves comes through,
     I'll tell them there's a way for us to renew.
I'm past the point I lost contact before,
     But still no answer, even though I implore.
Into our system I finally arrive,
     And familiar planets I can see float by.
Approaching coordinates where home should be,
     And soon the truth becomes clear to me:
While I was away, fighting broke out,
     Being won by whomever held the most clout.
I hang my head in sorrow and shame,
     Knowing I am now alone in this game.

By John T. M. Herres  (c) 2011